A Future Father’s Love
// October 28th, 2009 // Uncategorized
Last night, I got to play with Seth after dinner. Seth is our resident two year old, the adopted son of our missionaries. Because he is being raised by missionaries in Mexico, his nanny is a wonderful Mexican woman and all of his older brothers and sisters are crazy students from the US (aka, the other Engage Students and myself). This delightful wee man runs the house, babbling off in mixed spanish and english, neither of which is fully-formed in his mouth yet, but you can’t help but hear the raw emotion in his voice. You know what he’s saying. When you get the chance to look into his face, to truly closely look and seek meaning, you will find purity. You will see delight, anguish, and discovery. He has some of the most descriptive facial expressions and the most telling eyes I have ever seen. I love this little one.
Last night, I picked him up by the armpits from behind, faced him towards the ceiling, and spun like a madman. He giggled. Not just a chuckle. He giggled. I could see his smile lighting up the ceiling. After I put him down, he looked at me with those eyes and that smile, and promptly collapsed in a dizzy fit of giggles again. As soon as he could stand, he reached out his arms, looked me in the face with those undeniable eyes, and barked “ma!” Was he calling me mama? No. He was saying “mas,” which is Spanish for “more.” He loved it. We spun and we spun and we spun until neither of us could handle any more. After that, he simply sat nestled up to me on the couch, something I’ve never seen him do.
I can’t describe the feeling I experienced in those moments, but I know I’m looking forward to it again. I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to feeling the love of being a father, even though I know it was nowhere close since I am, in fact, not Seth’s father. In fact, I am not anyone’s father and I don’t expect to be for a rather long time, seeing as how I’m not seeing anyone now and not allowed to while I’m in Guadalajara for the next two years, and even when I am allowed to I’ll have to wait patiently until marriage and until we’re ready. Honestly, It might be a very very long time from now. However, God opened my eyes and my heart and gave me a little glimpse of how He sees us and wants to interact with us. He simply wants to pick us up and spin us until we are so dizzied that we cannot help but express our delight in Him. He wants us to want to nestle up with Him just to be close. That was a good night.