// September 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // I just started writing and..., Life, Perspectives, Prayer, Reflection
Ever have one of those prayer times where you’re just praying like crazy about something, and then the Holy Spirit smacks you with the “are you really so fervent about this that you would desire it before me…like you’re doing right now?”
…yeah…me neither. Not until today.
That turned into one of my top three most important and influential prayer times ever (1. Salvation 2. Holy Spirit Baptism 3. Today). I realized, for the first time, how thankful I was for all the blessings in my life, but how thankless I was for the blesser. I realized how much I desired to be godly and to act pious, but that I had never been capable of it because I had the improper motivation. I realized that I was putting good things (that God may indeed have planned for me…in HIS perfect timing) between myself the greatest good of all: God. I realized how selfishly I have been acting, in turn realizing how much of a hypocrite I’ve been, especially in my prayer times. Well, God laid it on me to fix it. Now.
After that, I spent time praising, worshiping, glorifying, and simply enjoying Him. Not His blessings. Not gifts. Not situations. Not promises. Him.
This awakened a passion in me for that which He has called me to (namely, Bulgaria and my college dorm: the two places I will minister most deeply in the next year).
I know I’m being rather vague about this whole thing, but I need to be right now. I just sacrificed something I’ve wanted for something I needed. It hurt. A lot. Spiritual surgery always does. But then, we are healthier for it. The Lord is our great physician, and we must trust Him in times like this.
Towards the end of my prayer time, I asked God what the next step was. I was led to 1st John, which brought me to this passage:
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. (1st Jn. 2:15-17 ESV)
I’m not going to break it down. I’ll simply admit that this whole entry is disjointed and very emotionally-driven. For now, it will have to do.